I should be at home now, I really feel like I should. Dad talked of this day as a goal to look forward to, a party worth celebrating. But he didn’t reach it. I feel just plain guilty for thinking he was ridiculous, talking about his 65th birthday 2 and a half years early. And now he’s not here. I feel like the ridiculous one. I really do.
I’m not at home though, and I don’t think I need to feel bad about that. I’m doing what he wants me to, I’m doing what he showed me. He may not have been an academic but he was a hard worker and I’ve been working hard, not just in my studies but in the kitchen or on the phone or anywhere else. Working hard isn’t all about making money and making your life, it’s about working hard to show kindness to others. I’m still not there, but I am getting closer to being like him. It’s an impossible target, as I can only ever be me, but I know I’d be better for being more like him. he was no saint, he was a human, but I like to think a pretty damn good one.
Now I feel less ridiculous, because it is still a party worth celebrating. It may be a party without any location and it may not be a birthday party anymore. It’s an anniversary instead – 65 years of kindness and influence in not just my life but I am sure the lives of many others now and in the future. It’s an influence I don’t ever want to forget, although it’s so big I never could forget. I feel so proud being able to say that. That’s why I still want a ‘party’ – so everyone can know how amazing and lucky I feel to still know his presence everyday.