I wake up far too often just mad at the world. Actually, that’s a lie but, well, I liked it as an opening sentence. Really, I go to bed far too often just mad at the world. Mad at this person, mad at that person, family, friends, colleagues, strangers, people I don’t even know and never will do. I just get myself so worked up, even upset, all because I feel helpless, I turn myself into a victim of other people’s actions.

Now I think it’s right to get upset, although it’s nothing I’ve ever been that good at. I wish I could just stop and cry things away instead of vexing out an holding on to the bad things. Anyway, we should get upset sometimes, it’s a natural thing to do. But I guess I think there’s always a risk of it being too selfish. That may sound harsh, but I don’t know a better way to phrase it, as we are all guilty of it. Too often we, I, victimise myself and it is no good when it reaches such an extent.
What I need to do is stop and say, you know what, this is what I think is good way to live my life. Not a good way to live my life and my life alone, but a way to live a life on Earth. It is a shared planet and I cannot separate our actions from other people’s lives. I need to ‘be the change you want to see in the world’. I can’t just go around thinking ‘Oh this would be nice… but I’m too selfish to do that’. I can’t just stay in bed and feel wronged. I can’t just sit back and do nothing.
I’ll fail on the way. I’ll mess up and please myself instead. Or I’ll get screwed over. But I believe that people do learn from others. It might not be instant, and maybe I won’t get unscrewed (not the best word). I still think that person will one day think, I need to do something nice. It may seem naive but it is what I believe.
I can’t control the world (although it would be frickin’ awesome if I could). Even better though is knowing the world can’t control me. In that gap is a chance to change the world. I don’t want it to slip away from me.